Something I didn't say before TTC

This is from a post I made on TMP....

Something I never said before TTC - "I want to be a mommy."

I know that sounds weird But, for most of my life I didn't want to have a child. Physical and emotional abuse by my biological mother, watching my sister ruin her childrens' lives, and my own struggle with anxiety and depression pretty much convinced me I had no business being a mother. Look at my role models - they created a mess then left it for others to clean up! I didn't want to be that kind of person. So, I did everything I could to prevent it from happening for most of my life.

But people change, life happens. Being in a stable marriage (16 years now!) proved to me that I didn't have to go down the same road as my parent's (divorced) or my sister (divorced about 4 times). So, would it be possible for me to choose a different path and become a different kind of parent, mother? I felt like I could, so here we are...me saying something I never thought I would say....

I want to be a mommy